I recently wrote a thesis on my views on society and the modern world as a whole, I’ve shared it with friends and they all had positive things to say about it and some encouraged me to post it somewhere, so now I’m here. Any and all feedback is appreciated.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a writer, this was something I wrote out of my passion for the topic, I tried my best. Also ignore the 4th point, I don’t think I’ll ever get around to finishing it.
Hello and welcome!
I like myself an anti-society tirade. I don’t agree with the conclusion about relationships being what makes life worth living. But I agree with the idea that there isn’t enough awareness about what society sets as dogmas and that rejecting those dogmas can be valuable.
I enjoyed reading, although I feel like the text is somewhat generic and I don’t think it would be convincing, but that may not be the point.
I might write a deeper analysis later (I wouldn’t expect one, knowing myself).
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Thank you for the answer and your honesty!
In the text I do say that I haven’t really said anything new in any way, so yeah I’d agree its nothing out of the ordinary. From the opinions of the people I’ve shown this to, I realized that I wasn’t either convincing enough, nor did the text get across my thoughts on a deeper level.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the conclusion!
It’s not convincing because it’s mostly just claims. You don’t really show why we should believe in those claims.
For the conclusion, it’s not clear why relationships and the other things you listed are this “promised beauty” or “what makes us human”. Why not something else? Why are those not ideas of the prison too?
Hi –
I am new here; having just joined the group. I say this because I am trying to get a feel for how strictly philosophical people are here, and to excuse myself if I come at things too intensely sometimes. That’s my disclaimer 
Strictly speaking, it may be argued that what you’ve written isn’t philosophy. It’s more of a layman’s approach to what the uninitiated think philosophy is. I see no central claim you are trying to argue for or against, no argument structure, no attempt to justify your claims, etc. Philosophy typically seeks to answer a question, and does so using a rigorous, disciplined methodology. However, I don’t wish to present myself as a ‘gatekeeper’ of what is or isn’t philosophy on this forum. I see what you have written as a sort of reflection of some observations you’ve made about the world. They’re interesting, and I had similar thoughts throughout my life. I think it’s hard to write anything and open yourself to criticism, so I admire that you’ve done so, and am glad you shared your work.
A few of my own observations:
- You refer to exposure to the world as something that ‘taints’ us which seems to imply that you believe there is some sort of primal state that is untainted. It might be worth expanding on that.
- You refer to life as ‘illusory’ or ‘fake.’ Do you mean that the society we are born into or, truly, "life?’
From a sort-of ‘folk philosophical’ view, I like what you’re getting at, though I don’t agree with this your presuppositions that our lives were meant to be a certain way. For example, you wrote:
“When we are born our real life is taken from us and we are given a fake life.”
I don’t know that there was supposed to be a certain life that we have been cheated out of. For me, believing so would make me miserable because I’d be calling ‘foul’ on everything I experience in society. I became a more well-adjusted person when rid myself of such suppositions. I just do my best with what comes my way without any belief that it things “should” be one way or another.
I have often said, however, that we are born into other peoples dreams and aspirations. Related to what I think you’re getting at.
Anyway, these are just a few thoughts. If you’re interested, you may want to consider taking what you’ve written and reworking it into something that attempts to convince readers. Could be a fun project for you to give it an argumentative structure. If that interests you, I’d be happy to give you a few tips on the standard structure of a philosophy paper and any other tips.
Regardless, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your answer and your honest thoughts.
I’m very new to all things philosophy, in fact, it’s not even a subject in school that I study anymore, just something I like doing from time to time, so I do agree that I’m uninitiated as you say. When I first presented this to people around me I called it “a philosophical sort-of essay” which it clearly isn’t, but I really just didn’t know what to call it. You’re very much right about it being my observations of the world and conclusions I’ve made from them, and I realize that after I read your response, so thank you!
About your observations- you’re right, I should expand on the primal untainted life from which I believe we’ve been cheated out of, if I rework it, I’ll try to expand on it further; I mean the society we are born into.
In all honesty, I don’t know what the life that was taken from us is exactly, as I don’t think anybody does, because the life that we have is really all we know, it’s like solving an equation, while only knowing the wrong formulas (not sure if that’s a good analogy). Since I wrote this, I’ve accepted it, so I don’t fight it, I live life now going with the flow, a sort of absurdist.
I could get around to rewriting it in a more structured manner, as I’ve been thinking of maybe taking writing more seriously, not only stuff like this, but other literary forms as a hobby. I’d appreciate it a lot were you to give me a few tips!
I’d like to ask what you thought of the way it was written- word choice, analogies, things of that nature.
Again, thank you for your answer.
You’re right, I wrote it because I wanted to put my thoughts on paper, I didn’t expect to post it anywhere, I could rework it. That’s also why I didn’t explain why relationships are what makes us human, because that’s what I personally value the most and as stated above, I didn’t expect I’d post it anywhere.
I am currently working on a paper that is related to what I feel you’re touching on. Miranda Fricker has written a lot on what she calls “epistemic injustice.” Here’s a bit about it:
If you scroll down a bit, you will find a section regarding hermeneutical injustice. I can see the possibilty for taking her notion of hermeneutical injustice and applying it to the dynamics between a select few, powerful people and the rest of us. You might find it interesting. Foucault has some really interesting ideas regarding power / power structures that might interest you, too. Here’s one example:
I am pointing at the notion of (hidden?) power structures because it seems to me that’s what you’re brushing up against in your writing, so I’m thinking you might find this a good direction to look into. When I am done with my university work, it’s definitely an area I plan to delve into more deeply and, maybe, write on.
I think your writing is very good – a nice piece of prose. I think your prison analogy is is really effective, and the overall piece does a good job setting a certain tone. It does seem to end a bit abruptly. It seems to me that you did a great deal of work identifying the problem, but your treatment of what makes life worth living is only a few sentences. I think it’d really pull your paper together if you spent more time expanding on the notion that while life may not have any inherent meaning and we live an inauthentic life, one can still generate meaningful relations to the world, as fleeting as they may be. Or something along those lines.
I apologize if I came off too critically in my earlier response. I’m just very deeply entrenched in the analytic tradition at the moment, and it’s a bit difficult for me right now to drop the hyper-analysis. It was an enjoyable and insightful read.
I’ll definitely look into both of them in time, thank you.
I don’t take it as you being overly-critical, even if you were, I posted this expecting the worst anyhow. I appreciate the honesty, to me it’s enough that someone actually read the entire thing, let alone analyze it and answer.
Thank you for the kind words!
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